Tips For Dealing With Difficult Parents

Anyone who has been in education or coaching for very long has had to deal with a difficult parent.  When it comes to dealing with their own child many parents will lose perspective.  I have had many conversations over the years with parents of students when they tell me that there is no way that their child would lie, cheat, or pick on someone else.  As a basketball coach I have had to listen to upset parents tell me that their child should be playing more or shooting more.   It can be difficult telling a parent that their child has made a mistake or isn’t performing as well as the parent thinks they are, However parents need to hear these stories so that they can help their child grow and learn.  

In those instances where I have had to deal with a difficult parent I have found the following things to be very important:

1. Listen – Most parents that have a complaint feel like they are protecting and standing up for their child.  It is important to honor that commitment to their child and listen to what they have to say.  By simply listening to their complaint we are giving them a chance to vent, and in many instances an opportunity to calm down as well
2. Be Honest – It can be very uncomfortable being challenged by a parent.  That uncomfortable feeling can sometimes lead us to telling them what they want to hear so we can get the conversation over.  Parents need to hear the truth about their child, both good and bad.  The truth should be delivered in a tactful way that focuses on both negative and positive.  However, the parents need to hear the truth about the struggles their child might be having.
3. Be Polite – When a difficult parent begins to attack you for something they perceive you have done to hurt their child it can be very tempting to lose your cool and say something you shouldn’t.  In these situations it is important to remember that you are the professional and leader, and that losing your cool isn’t going to help the situation. Being polite to the parent and using good manners will help you honor the parents concerns and keep an already difficult situation from getting worse.
4. Be Kind – By showing kindness to a difficult parent you are showing them that you care about them and their child.  It can be hard to treat someone well when they are attacking you.  However by showing kindness we can show the parent that we aren’t the bad guy they may perceive us to be.

There are many different keys to dealing with difficult parents.  These four tips aren’t the only ideas on how to deal with a difficult parent. However, I have found these four to be very helpful to me over the years.  We don’t have to compromise what we believe in, or kowtow to their wishes if they think we are wrong.  We do need to handle every situation as a professional and a leader by being honest, polite, kind, and listening to their concerns.